Eris, the Goddess of Chaos, meditating deeply on the worst person to be stuck in an elevator with, saw clearly that every aspect of corporeal existence is meaningless. Soon, a young Discordian monk named Zoot asked Eris how to see the fnords. Answering the monk, Eris said this:
Meaning is nothing more than Meaninglessness,
Meaninglessness is
nothing more than meaning.
Everything is exactly Meaningless,
and
Meaninglessness is exactly everything.
Every aspect of this existence --
itching, eating, sneezing, wheezing,
and squeezing --
are likewise nothing more than Meaninglessness,
and
Meaninglessness nothing more than they.
All things are Chaos:
Nothing begins, nothing ends,
nothing is
striped, nothing is plaid,
nothing smells and nothing shines,
nothing is
sticky and nothing is smooth.
There are no eyes, no ears,
no wiggly bits, no tentacles,
no noodly
appendages, no wings or horns or hooves.
There is no farting, no
sneering,
no picking, no grinning,
no leaving and no arriving.
There is
nothing seen, nor heard,
nor smelt, nor dealt,
nor scattered, nor
smotherered, nor coverered.
There is no Slack,
And no end to Slack.
There are no fnords,
and no
end to fnords.
There is effectively no difference
between a spoon and a fork.
All
are sporks,
and none are sporks.
Nothing is ever ventured,
Nothing can be gained.
Nothing ever
arrives,
nothing ever departs,
And nothing happens in between.
The Discordians rely on the Knowledge of Chaos,
and so with no
delusions,
they feel no fear,
and have de-scrambled Spiritual Cable
TV.
All the Chaos Buddhas,
past, present, and future
rely on the
Knowledge of Chaos,
and live in full enlightenment.
The Knowledge of Chaos
is the greatest mantra.
It is the totally
tubular mantra,
the shiniest mantra,
no really, it's pretty good.
You can chant it if you want.
We don't care.
Don't do it just because
you were told to.
It goes:
OM PANDE MONI UM
